I just wanted to make sure I get some writing of my own down while all of this is still so fresh in my mind. I do not intend to go into the details of what happened, as I surely never need any reminder. Instead, I think I wish to write about how oddly at peace I am with everything already. What’s done is done, in all honesty. I will miss my poor, sweet Barez oh so much and for the rest of my life. What I will NEVER do is take on any guilt for that which I had no knowledge of and I will also NEVER be angry at him in any way for what happened. If MY Robert were in control, then this whole thing would never have happened. He must have had an underlying mental disorder that even I could not see. Blame for that which one does not know makes no sense to me, and I’m a mechanical engineer in my core, so I don’t like nonsensical things. I’ll just have to hold everything at home together. The kitties have one Daddy now instead of two. That is about the biggest change I honestly plan on making. We have had a wonderful life here and I see no need to change what I love already. It feels so odd that soon I will probably be owning the house…. I certainly would never have wanted to get it this way…. But I feel I must honor the Rob I so loved, and I will do my best to continue on….